Highlights:
- Generation gap will not have an impact on mother-daughter bonds so long as both parties are open
- Mother-daughter time does become crucial even post marriage
- Plan a few vacations with your mothers and daughters and cherish the time you spend with one another.
She carries you in her womb for nine months. She feeds you, grooms you and is obsessed with everything you do, no matter how trivial it may be. Her love is special, but often difficult to reciprocate. With time, you grow opinionated.
As you grow up to be the woman you yearn to be, you intentionally fail to spare a few minutes with the person who adores you the most. Post marriage, your husband, and children become the center of your universe, while your mother takes a ‘backseat.’
In the end, the relationship reaches a barrier that many don’t understand, and an unusual yet eerie silence prevails.
This is the tale of most mothers and daughters, especially in the 21st century. Our elders have often told us that the mother is the child’s first teacher. Then again, they have never addressed the importance of a mother being a child’s first and best friend. Amid the pressure to excel in one’s career or academics, mothers have become accustomed to being wardens and not entirely a girl’s best friend. The onset of the digital era, while useful, has failed to bridge that personal connection between mothers and daughters. Discussions and jokes are often shared on family WhatsApp groups and not a part of the traditional dining table conversation.
It is hence, time for us to assess the need to strengthen the bond between mothers and their daughters even during the later stages of life.
Your generation versus mine
The generation gap is an aspect that strains relationships between parents and children. As natural as it may seem, it is a key factor in the bond.
This is because only a mother can relate to the struggles that her daughter would face during various stages of her life. She often stands up for her children, especially for her daughter, for she does not want to deny her of the joys that she yearned for when she was her daughter’s age.
If one were to analyze the traditional “Kanyadaan” ( a wedding ritual) scenario, the woman faces a lot of dilemmas primarily due to the inability to communicate openly to her mother. After all, she is no longer part of the family she hailed from after tying the knot!
It is, therefore, important for both parties to work towards strengthening that bond even after marriage. Times have changed and so have the perceptions of the working Indian woman. Hence, mothers and daughters ought to make efforts to ensure that the relationship becomes stronger and better with each day.
According to Valsala, a former school teacher and mother of a 27-year-old daughter, no generation gap can affect the mother-daughter bonding if there is a free and frank yet broad-minded interaction between both parties.
However, the communication could involve a certain set of boundaries to ensure that both the mother and daughter have the space and time they could call their own. “The boundaries probably come into existence when it comes to the daughter’s choices in life, such as having a family to take a backseat for the husband’s career, etc.,” says Nirmala (name changed as per request), a television producer from Mumbai.
The husband, the children and the ultimate ‘girlfriends.’
True. Marriage is a different game, and one is expected make a few sacrifices. Then again, it does not imply that your mother would never be your midnight friend or your favorite travel buddy. Both the mother and the married daughter ought to take some time off their usual routine and spend quality time with each other.
This is how it could be done:
- Respect, respond and rejoice together:
Every woman goes through the various stages of womanhood – girl, women, mother, mother-in-law, grandmother, great-grandmother and so on. It is, thus, important to respect one another, speak of each other’s experiences and engaged in debates and productive discussions. Be honest with each other and give the other the opportunity to present a point of view or two.
- A place for mommy and daughter:
Vacations are a wonderful way of getting to know the other. It is an opportunity for the mother and daughter to break-free from the society’s notions of right and wrong and be free. Plan a few vacations with your mothers and daughters and cherish the time you spend with one another.
- Criticize with care:
Mothers and daughter do criticize each other regularly. While some statements might sound logical in the heat of the moment, it is likely to hurt the other’s feelings. Do so with the intention of being supportive and not discouraging. Remember, no one is perfect. Your mother may have the most archaic perspectives regarding issues as opposed to yours. But in the end, she only wants you to be happy.
