- Marriage is always about the families involved
- Like any relationship, marriages also change over the years
- Ensure that your partner is sensible not to mention practical as well
- Never rush into marriage – it is a lifelong commitment
Relationships are indeed a gamble. Whether it is between friends, members of your family or even your colleagues – each relationship is different. The lessons that you learn while playing the game of respect, love, and boundaries are worth a thousand books on self-help.
Then again, marriage is one relationship that leaves many perturbed. Indeed, you might have courted for a while, perhaps even engaged in sexual intercourse during your courtship, traveled far and wide – yet you are apprehensive about the ‘m’ word.
Why? These aspects could help you understand the situation better.
Spouse = spouse’s family
While dating a person, you often ignore the various roles that he or she plays in life. Your person of interest is not only your true love but is also adored by his parents, his siblings, his grandparents, cousins, uncles and aunts, and friends. In short, while he or she might consider you to be the universe at a candlelight dinner, you are, in fact, only ‘a part’ of his or her life.
The key to successful marriages anywhere in the world is a strong support system. After all, human beings are never truly independent – we are rather inter-dependent. Hence, it becomes crucial for you to make efforts in being part of the other person’s social circle.
The fear of boredom
Chemistry, passion, and romance sound wonderful. But, over the years, these three elements are likely, to become less significant. For two other emotions take center stage – love and respect. It takes effort and a mature mindset to be willing to accept the various stages of a relationship. It takes more courage to be able to embrace each stage and remain cheerful yet delighted all while long. Thus, you must consider taking each day as it comes. For tomorrow is never for us to see!
Career centered lives = independence
This has become an issue in the current era. With men and women striving hard to be par with each other in various walks of life, the demand for space and the freedom to act as per each other’s own discretion has created a certain degree of ruckus in many households. While many families, especially in India, believe that it is the woman who ought to sacrifice a career to take care of a family and experience motherhood, the argument does not seem convincing in the recent past. Work-from-home or transfers due to personal reasons give the men a chance to enjoy their work life as well. It also gives them an opportunity to play an equally significant role as a father, husband or even son-in-law. However, such points of view are rarely discussed.
Unwillingness to adjust
There are fewer joint families in the recent years. As a result, accommodating another member of the family has become harder than before. Sure, you have shared rooms in a strange city and were comfortable with a stranger. But family involves a lot of give and take not to mention diplomacy. This change in attitude has been the primary reason for failed marriages.
So, how you decide?
To begin with, erase those pre-conceived notions or hopes that you would have engraved in your mind. Marriage involves two families (perhaps more than live-in relationships). It is a complex game, or as many would consider it – a work in progress.
Many people believe that arranged marriages are, more often, tales with happily-ever-after-endings while love marriages aren’t. The truth is – both are a gamble. The latter may seem less scary at first – but life is unpredictable.
Here’s how you could go about choosing a spouse:
Don’t get carried away by the emotions that you experience in the presence of your ‘true love.’ Living together requires one to be financially stable, responsible and practical. It would be silly to agree to marry a man or woman who loves traveling and reading if they are unable to understand the nitty-gritty of a balanced life. In that case, the marriage is likely to go to the worst of worst slums (literally!).
Make efforts to understand the other person’s family and friends. Not only through his or her words, but in person. It does not kill to say hello or even shaking hands with his or her best friends. In fact, this could probably set the ball rolling and help strengthen the bonds between families.
Don’t think too much. As mentioned earlier, life is full of unexpected surprises. Take each incident at its own pace. Learn and unlearn as much as you can. Remember, your experiences only make you stronger.
Most importantly – listen to your gut-feeling. Do not rush into marriage. Weigh up the pros and cons. No one is perfect. If you wish for your partner to accept you for who you are, then it ought to be the other way around as well. Your family is important – but in the end – your happiness is a result of the choices you make.
So be bold, and don’t fear! It is interesting the experience of a different type of companionship.